the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
