So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
