Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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