did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize