the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
