Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
