the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
