The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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