honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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