Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
