Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
