she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
