in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she peed on how many people?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
