im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
