He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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