question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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