What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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