no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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