i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
