Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
