I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm at about main and main street
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
