Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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