Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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