I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
