Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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