i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
