I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
