I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize