I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
PANTIES FOUND
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
