oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
