I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
