ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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