I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
