we're blogging at a bar
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im about as happy as oj after his trial
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
