i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
