I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
