if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
