Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
sarcasm needs its own font
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize