hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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