The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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