i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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