you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
