Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
