bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
