wrigley field is MILF paradise
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
