so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do vagina's smell?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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