It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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