would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
