i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
