i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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