I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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