So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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