I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
