He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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