It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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