Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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