I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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