I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
