She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
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