Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My ass is underappreciated
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize