i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she told me i tasted like america
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
