last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
