It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
