can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
