just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
