Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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