I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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