im six kinds of drunk right now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
