I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
