I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
