Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
