so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
